Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
