grandma shit on top of the toilet
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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