dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
