after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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