He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
