Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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