Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
