My hair reeks of homosexuality.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
