A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
