I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
