if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
This girl is more easily done than said...
My hand turned me down
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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