He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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