well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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