dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
well you can't waste a boner
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
