so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize