When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
