Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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