I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
