Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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