Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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