she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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