brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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