We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize