remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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