He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My balls are so social today.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
the liver wants what the liver wants
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
