I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
