Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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