there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize