Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
