Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
