You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
