i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im holly from the hills drunk
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
