im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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