margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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