when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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