I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
