Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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