Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
