My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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