worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
