god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize