I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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