you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
