the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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