glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
