Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
there is glitter all over my balls
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
