So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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