I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
