I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
