Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Randomize
