Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
there is glitter all over my balls
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
