So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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