We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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