two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize