My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
