Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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