Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
