And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
