I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
