I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
