You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
