I looked at my own cervix.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
whose parrot is this?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
