cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the condom got lost in my hair
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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