She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
