none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
