Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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