Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
