On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
