This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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