Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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