just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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