Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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