i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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