Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
