He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
