Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
