Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
