his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
